I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
