is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
