I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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