will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
