We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
