did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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