I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
