She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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