My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
