I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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