also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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