im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
