Define "chronic" masturbator.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize