her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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