I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
