I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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