Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
