Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
