Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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