i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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