If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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