she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
