you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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