I feel great
I just peed on a car
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
