we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
