Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
