just tell him i said nine months
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
