there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
