well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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