I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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