i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
