also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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