Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
