We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
