My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
