I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
