You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
