Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
