I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
