Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
