well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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