Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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