NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
