I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
