I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
