I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
