Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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