the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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