I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
