I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
