Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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