I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
