dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
