If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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