ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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