based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
