at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
