cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i think im in europe. pls send help
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