i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
