Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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