You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
