I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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