this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
