Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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