Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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