I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
