Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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