Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
