I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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