I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
