Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
