woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
