Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
