I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
