In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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