News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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