I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he puts the penis in happiness.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
