Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
