so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
