Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
