Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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