ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
