I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
