mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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