Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Randomize
